Caleb: Girlie Dog Extraordinaire

Dog show disasters

2008-04-05T06:56:00.004+05:30

So we went to this dog show last week. It rained a lot and we got very wet. We could have stood under the tents with everyone else but I wasn't behaving and had to stand outside. I still have some issues with other dogs so I kept trying to lunge at them which meant that mum spent the whole morning pulling me back. We left halfway through because eventually
a) I threw up on mum's shoes,
b) bit my own tongue and started bleeding
c) mum started crying

It was a rather bad day overall. I did however get one third place ribbon. But that might have been because I was one of three dogs in that part of the competition. Pooh. Mum keeps saying she doesn't care if I never win ribbons but that she just wants me to behave myself around other dogs. I'm very good with people but it's so difficult to be good around critters! Sometimes I can't decide if I want to eat them or play with them.

[sighs]

Big, clumsy oaf

2008-03-13T06:18:00.004+05:30

We have this bigass dog living at a house down our road. Mum says he's a German Shepard - whatever that means. Well, he should really go back to Germany 'cause this is MY ROAD dammit. And he lets this little, old man walk him - imagine, the big pansy. So when I saw them recently, I leapt in their general direction meaning to show him a thing or two but unfortunately mum (whilst trying to avoid stepping on my big ole paw) tripped and fell.

She bled a lot.

I tried to lick it but she didn't let me.

Then she put a plaster on it and didn't let me sniff that either.

She also didn't cuddle me for a week.

I was very sad.

But she's a little less mad now and besides, I've been quite good lately. I only drank from the toilet bowl twice and only when dad was dogsitting me.

All we want for Christmas

2007-12-05T13:22:00.000+05:30

Today mum was sad (more so than usual, that is) so I invited her into my crate and we were sad together. She said she wished she were a dog so she and I could run away some place with lots of trees and where we won't need to see any stupid humans ever again.

Maybe if I begged Santa really hard...

New photos and cat vomit

2007-12-02T18:00:00.000+05:30

It's not every day that mum mushes out on me but these pictures tell the story.

I also paid a visit to my other grandparents - their garden is HUGE. I stalked several strange creatures through the grass and pretended I was a lion hunting antelope. And check out my side-ways Sphinx pose!

I also got the chance to sample some cat vomit recently and I must say, it was rather interesting. Didn't care much for the odour but the texture was almost like yoghurt. My own vomit turns out rather watery and boring in comparison. No, mum wasn't too pleased.

Toothless wonder

2007-11-20T05:41:00.001+05:30

It's been almost a month since my last post! The fungus is gone but now my puppy teeth are falling out. I've been trying to swallow them but they won't let me. Woe.

Because mum and dad have are so busy with work these days, I get to stay at grandma's place a lot, and we all spend more time there now than at our house. Mum's been busy teaching several new classes and while dad works mostly from home he does seem to have a lot of stuff to do, so I end up getting ignored a lot. Of course I get spoiled rotten at grandma's so, I have no complaints.

I'm allowed to dig anywhere I like in the garden and grandma always lets me have her slipper when I ask for it. Also, she doesn't say anything when I jump on the sofa with muddy feetses. The 'rents on the other hand, always yell and pull me off in the most undignified manner. Hrmpf. PLUS, the food is much better. Not that mum and dad ain't great cooks [hurriedly] - of course you are! [lick slobber] - it's just that grandma has more time to think of different things to make for me to eat so I never get the same thing two days running. And grandpa takes me for walks around the neighbourhood several times a day. This one lady in particular was very impressed by yours truly and said I had a "very nice bark" [preens].

Oh and I chased my first cat! Well, kitten actually and I didn't really get to chase it. But I lunged toward the nasty hairball and nearly pulled mum off her feet because she was holding my leash. I thought she might be mad but she was so proud that I for once, was the chaser and not the chasee, that she nearly cried. You just wait dudes, I'll be the toughest dog on the block yet.

Hairless rodent

2007-10-20T07:46:00.000+05:30

Apparently I have a fungus that is making some of my hair fall off in patches. It's bad enough that they apply this cream thing every night that stings the bejeebus out of me and entails much snorting, rolling and frantic scratching/licking, but I also have to put up with further indignities involving jokes about "hairless rodents" and "doggus fungus".

So I'm ill, reduced to a pathetic bundle of patchy ignominy and then they abandon me for an hour to go to the gym. How could they? I don't know what they do there, but I'm sure it's something dumb and certainly not as important as staying home with their sick puppy. I shall now sulk and throw up undigested chicken liver in front of their bedroom door. We'll see who gets the last laugh...

Vote for me!

2007-10-19T07:05:00.000+05:30

DUDES! I entered one of those dog photo competition things. Now don't tell mum - she thinks I'm getting effeminate (whatever that means) but you need to vote for me! Hurry up!

My first thunderstorm

2007-10-15T07:00:00.000+05:30

Aaagh! I kept waking up during the night to these strange crashing noises and now it's morning and they still haven't stopped! I'm huddled up under mum's chair barking for all I'm worth but it won't go away - it's actually getting worse. Plus there's water nearly 3 inches of water outside our doorstep so I can't go out to play either. Woe.

Mugging for the camera

2007-10-14T10:22:00.000+05:30

Mum took some great shots of me recently... check it out!

So many things to chew on, so little time

2007-10-14T06:59:00.000+05:30

I picked up something during my walk this morning and as usual mum caught me and pulled it out before I could swallow it. It was very smooth with sharp edges and mum was very, very angry though she didn't smack me like she usually does. She just kept stopping ever so often to peer in my mouth. I couldn't figure out why until I started tasting something funny - it tasted interesting so I kept licking and swallowing the stuff. Apparently it was my own "blood" and that thing I picked up had been a piece of "jagged glass". So, I had to put up with mum grumbling under her breath all the way home.

Who's to know? Glass, snotty tissues, rotten fish - they all taste damn fascinating as far as I'm concerned.

MOM! What's for lunch???

A day of destruction

2007-10-13T18:22:00.000+05:30

Errr... so I think they're mad about the toothpaste. And mum's foot cream. And her ear phones. And her newest book which to my credit I only ate a few pages of. Dad's book a few weeks ago suffered much worse.

Of course, she won't stop looking at me with that pained expression and repeating "ONE THOUSAND TWO HUNDRED BUCKS CALEB YOU BLOODY BUGGER YOU" as if I knew what that meant.

I just hope she forgives me in time for dinner...

These crazy humans - they'll be trying to ride me next

2007-10-11T16:39:00.001+05:30

Okay so today, they put this bright red strappy thing on me and lugged me around the house; pointing and laughing the entire time. I believe it was called a "dog harness" - whatever will they think of next? Mom said I looked like a Christmas decoration. I tried to crane my neck around to chew it off but it was exceedingly difficult and besides - now don't tell 'em I said this - I looked rather spiffy in it.

Stylish accessory or not, must resist all attempts at domestication. Who knows? Today it's pretty baubles - tomorrow could be a muzzle and food rations. Humans can't be trusted yo.

Seriously.

I'm an irresistible ball of charm

2007-10-07T07:12:00.000+05:30

Mom and Dad took me to a Dog Grooming Charity event at the ODEL car park yesterday and boy, did I have FUN!

Thanks to my anal-retentive-stickler-for-punctuality parents, we arrived way before the event was about to start and since I was the first dog on the premises, everyone came over to pet and gush over me. I heard daddy muttering about how he obviously got a dog a few years to late because we must have been surrounded by at least 20 pre-pubescent girls in tiny shorts all squealing at the same time "oooh he's so cute", "what's his name?" "how old is he?" "awww... can I pet him?" "will he bite?" etc. I, of course, was on my best movie star behaviour and shook paws all round, with licks and kisses for all.

Even mommy was in a good mood and was talking to some of the kids and even venturing to boast about me... but that didn't last long. This little, old woman turned up with a bigass Bullmastiff and mom promptly left me and daddy in the clutches of the giggling girls (who were by now starting to get on my nerves) and went over to gush. She's shameless I tell you... She ended up taking MORE pictures of the big lump who just sat there ignoring everyone - with a real snooty air, I might add - and petted him and was speaking to the owner for nearly half an hour.

When she came back I heard her ask daddy if we could exchange me - yes, EXCHANGE ME, the foundation upon which they base their very existence - for that fat snob. Can you believe this??? Intelligent, good-looking, charming little me for a big tub of lard with no discernible personality, who just sat there and scared everyone away? Gah I tell you... GAH!

Anyway, much to my satisfaction, my fanclub of little girls were rather intimidated by Mr. Fatso and refused to so much as approach him. Yayy! I turned up my charm to double its usual effectiveness after that and they were putty in my hands. You should have seen them arguing about who got to bathe me and dry me. With nearly a dozen dogs around the place, I was the centre of attention and nobody got their baths until I was through the whole process because not a single volunteer wished to leave my side. Heh, I'm a doggie star, that I am.

All in all, a very memorable and productive day.

I don't like trains - FACT

2007-09-22T08:20:00.000+05:30

Mom and Dad took me to the beach today. At first I was having fun, just sniffing around but then a pack of tough looking street dogs started following me. I tried to hide behind mommy but they kept coming at me. Boy, was I glad when mommy picked me up and took me back to the main road. She patted me and said "that's no neighbourhood for a pansy little Rottweiler like you, darling". I know there's an insult in there somewhere but I haven't quite been able to figure it out yet. Mommy can be really mean like that...

No sooner had we escaped those nasty dogs, I heard a huge screech and the earth began to shake. It was so loud, I nearly fainted! I backed up against mommy and daddy but then I saw this huge monster barrelling past us, trying to blow my whiskers away and I peed on myself. I have never been so scared in my life! I tried to run and nearly choked. We couldn't get back to the car fast enough. Mommy was laughing her head off and now tells everyone we meet that I peed myself over what the humans call a "train". She adds it to the end of the story about the carpenter who came over to fix our front door - I peed myself when he started using the drill. Of course that time, I peed directly on mommy's foot so I guess she's going to be talking about that one for a very long time.

At least Dad and Grandma felt sorry for me so I got lots of cuddles when I got home. But I swear, I'm never going to the beach again if I can help it.

Lazy, lazy Sunday

2007-09-09T22:28:00.000+05:30

It's been quite the week so mom, dad and I have been spending the whole day just lounging about. Why can't we have more Sundays I ask you?

UPDATE: There's a big pile of sand in our back garden now. Whoopee! China, baby, here I come...

About me

2007-09-01T20:10:00.001+05:30

I'm Caleb, a nine month old male Rottweiler puppy. I live in Colombo, Sri Lanka with my mum and dad who can't imagine why people have children when they can have dogs instead.

I'm also scared of everything and while some people (like my dad - god bless his socks, especially the smelly ones I love to chew on) find it adorable, others (like mum) think I'm a phoney and a Big Joke(TM). She'll never admit it, but I know she loves me anyway. Hehehe. That's 'cause I'm irresistible like that - even when I'm being chased by cats and peeing on myself whenever a household appliance is switched on.
Update: I have now evolved. Cats and household appliances are not so scary any more but the big, red fitness ball is.

Nicknames: beastie, monster, youbugger, thatbastard, FOOL! (mum), precious flower (dad)

Favourite activities: chewing soggy newspaper/tissue/anything papery, peeing like a racehorse, pooing like a mastodan, headbutting and pouncing on anything that moves, resting my bottom on people, trying to bury my bones in the sofa, shedding everywhere, chasing ice-cubes, bullying dad, yowling for no good reason (they say I sound like a cat x dog x castrated donkey)

Favourite treats: Cheese cubes, hard-boiled eggs,